By MICHAEL GINGOLD
Starring David Howard Thornton, Allison Pittel and Amy Schumacher
Directed by Steven LaMorte
Written by Steven LaMorte and Matthew Garcia-Dunn
Iconic Events/DeskPop Entertainment
“Everything gets recycled, over and over again, to save money,” someone says at a late point in SCREAMBOAT. Substitute “inspiration” for “money,” and it’s an appropriate line for one of at least four new horror films taking advantage of STEAMBOAT WILLIE falling into the public domain, coming out at the same time as a couple of Popeye slasher flicks, etc. The trend of turning out-of-copyright/beloved children’s characters into killers has quickly reached the saturation point, and though the great decline in domestic box office between the two WINNIE-THE-POOH: BLOOD AND HONEY movies would seem to suggest audiences agree, we’ve still got a long way to go down this road. It’s spoiling nothing to note that there are at least two indicators at the end of SCREAMBOAT that its creators intend at least one sequel.
Their current film at least has better production values than many of its ilk, with a slick look from the beginning, as a motley group of characters board New York City’s Staten Island Ferry for a late-night trip. Director/co-writer Steven LaMorte and co. land some authenticity too from having shot on an actual decommissioned ferryboat, though for NYC natives familiar with this transport, the idea that it could be sabotaged to the point of being stranded in New York Harbor with no hope of communication, help or rescue will be one of the funniest things about the movie.
Responsible for this perilous situation is Screamboat Willie, an evil variation on Mickey Mouse’s first incarnation as seen in the classic 1928 Walt Disney/Ub Iwerks short. He’s freed in an opening scene by an unscrupulous worker on the “Ferry Mortimer” (wink wink), one of the S.I. Ferries that dates back to the steamboat age, who also becomes Willie’s first victim. Willie is played by David Howard Thornton, with the help of some pretty good makeup effects by Christian Beckham’s Quantum Creation FX and miniature/digital work that convincingly render him into a tiny terror. Unfortunately, while Thornton gets some fun moves in here and there, he doesn’t get enough chances to really show off the scary/funny pantomime talents that have made him a star as the TERRIFIER films’ Art the Clown. He scurries around in the foreground and background a lot, and laughs and whistles old-time songs off in the distance, before dispatching victims in ways that are increasingly gory–to a point. A couple of outrageously splattery murders during the movie’s midsection will no doubt get audiences roaring, but after that, the pace goes slack as the story spends way too much time with its generic characters going through generic paces.
These include heroine Selena (Allison Pittel), struggling as an aspiring fashion designer who’s not sure Manhattan is the place for her; nice-guy deckhand Pete (Jesse Posey), who has no aspirations to take a leadership position (but just wait); Amber (Amy Schumacher), the ship’s EMT; and Barry (Jarlath Conroy from Romero’s DAY OF THE DEAD), the old-timer who introduces himself with “This boat is cursed! We’re all gonna die!” Then there are a gaggle of drunken party girls celebrating one of their number’s birthday, styled like assorted Disney princesses whom they reference in their dialogue. “I want to be where the people are!” says the one resembling THE LITTLE MERMAID’s Ariel, and so it goes, though the funniest such line is a FROZEN shout-out delivered by Amber.
These remain little nuggets of modest wit in a project that, once again, takes advantage of familiarity with a classic character but doesn’t do enough with the possibilities of truly turning a family favorite on its (severed) head. For the most part, the villain could have been anybody or anything, and the movie would have played out the same way. The few exceptions include a whimsical spoof of STEAMBOAT WILLIE’s most famous moment (the one excerpted at the head of Disney animated features today), and SCREAMBOAT is at its cleverest during a brief animated sequence explaining the rampaging rodent’s backstory. This sets up a latecoming story twist that isn’t properly built upon, amidst several plot and character turns in the movie’s last half that don’t make much sense.
That might not have been such an issue if SCREAMBOAT zipped along fast enough to forestall questions of plausibility and consistency, if only on its own terms. Instead, one of its key problems is encapsulated when Selena, forced to use the boat’s men’s room, announces, “I promise I’ll be very quick,” and then slooooowly makes her way into the facilities, where Willie lurks in one of the stalls. And even if they were restricted to using the Willie name and not Mickey, the filmmakers should have found more fun ways to dance around that problem, rather than putting most of their imagination into scenes like (SPOILER ALERT, I suppose) a couple sneaking off to have sex that’s rudely interrupted by Willie, who showily relieves the guy of his member. And yet in the great pantheon of rodent-and-severed-penis scenes, this one is just not as good as the end-credits bit in BEYOND RE-ANIMATOR.
