By GABE THOMAS
Starring Robert Miano, Benjamin Philip, Timothy Muskatell
Written and Directed by Chad Ferrin
Distributed by Breaking Glass Pictures
Adapting the hyper-mysterious and bizarrely metaphysical writings of H.P. Lovecraft for the screen is a task that only the genius of Stuart Gordon managed to pull off more than once. Stephen King’s work may be emotionally complex, yet it can always be boiled down to easily digestible, universally creepy ideas. Accessibility makes for an incredibly alluring format that every Hollywood executive has tried to take a crack at. Since Lovecraft’s stories leave so much room for interpretation, screwing up by showing the audience exactly what previously unknown horrors look like becomes all-too simple. A clever filmmaker can use their powers of suggestion to turn these tales into springboards for their own creativity. A filmmaker like Chad Ferrin can only dumb it down.
In THE OLD ONES, a father (Scott Vogel) and his son Gideon (Benjamin Philip) rescue a dying man (Robert Miano) from a lake, only to discover he’s secretly 159 years old and possesses ancient supernatural powers. His mission is to defeat the Great Old Ones, with Gideon’s help, by going back in time to stop this evil from being unleashed in the first place. What ensues is all matter of monsters, cults, and many, many recitals of dark and scary passages.
As with Ferrin’s other flicks, there is an overwhelming lack of care and planning present in both direction and cinematography. Whenever the ludicrousness of the script calls for over-the-top performances, a cast of bored actors instead deliver passionless lines through embarrassed, gritted teeth. They are thrown into a sensationally silly story by someone who seems upset he’s chosen to tell it. Similarly, the look of the film is made up of flat colors and uninspired coverage that gives the whole thing a cheap feeling. A few scenes bathed in green neon light are a slight step-up, yet any interesting visual choices slowly disappear by the halfway point.
The show-stealer here is the practical effects. Plenty of sequences are dripping with gooey gore thanks to Joe Castro and his talented team. There are head explosions, axe murders and zombie autopsies galore. It never gets old. The gritty atmosphere of Sam Raimi’s original The Evil Dead emanates from such ridiculous splatter gags, creating the only true moments of excitement in an otherwise laborious watch.
If Chad Ferrin keeps making a low budget snoozefest every year, and if I have to keep sitting through them, he needs to learn to at least make them fun. Even if this project doesn’t sink to the mean-spirited absurdity of Pig Killer, it still features several of his uncomfortable hallmarks. This includes a trans character written for comedy and an actual rendition of H.P. Lovecraft’s controversial slur-ridden sonnet.
If it wasn’t enough to take from Lovecraft, the ending of THE OLD ONES also serves as an undercooked remake of 1986’s From Beyond. This comes complete with the Resonator and a Dr. Pretorius stand-in, including a derivative Ted Sorel impression. The most frustrating element here is that there genuinely are a surprising number of homages to characters and creatures from Lovecraft’s body of work, but it is all surface level. This is emblematic of the entire film: empty characters battling empty enemies in empty settings leave us with an empty feeling. When will these screenwriters realize that reference is not the same as reverence?
THE OLD ONES is available to stream on VOD and digital as of March 19, 2024.
