By KEVIN HOOVER
Starring Kit Green, Martin Portlock and Megan Placito
Directed by Scott Chambers
Written by Scott Chamber and Rhys Frake-Waterfield
Jagged Edge Productions
Reimagining classic childhood tales that have slipped into the public domain with modern horror conventions is the bloody business of director/writer Rhys Frake-Waterfield’s Twisted Childhood Nightmares universe. Whether the notion is the worst thing ever conceived is a matter of debate and opinion, but it’s not a wholly original concept. (Sigourney Weaver beat ‘em to the punch in 1997’s Snow White: A Tale of Terror). The latest installment, PETER PAN’S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE, continues a forward march towards an entire Poohniverse filled with maniacal interpretations of beloved fables, but stating that it’s the worst entry in a canon previously inhabited by a pair of Winnie-the-Pooh films seems … expected.
First, a tip of the hat to what has been one of best parts of the Twisted Childhood films up to this point and so desperately needs to continue (if the films themselves aim to do the same): the animated opening backstory. Those reared on the Disney-fied versions of the related stories are often surprised when learning that the original tales dating back to the late 1800s often contained adult themes and dark subject matter. The Twisted Childhood has, thus far, set up each film with a cartoonish catch-up that briefly examines their literary inspirations before transitioning into the horror film that’s to play over the coming ninety minutes or so, and PETER PAN’S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE follows that pattern. Unfortunately, the most “Peter Pan” thing about the whole film falls off when the actual live action begins.
Opening the film with its very best take on the iconic Pennywise-in-the-drain bit from whatever version of IT is your personal favorite is a smart hook: Peter attempts to lure a child into a basement under the guise and greasepaint of going to see “Neverland.” It all goes sideways, of course, before leaping ahead fifteen years into the lives of the Darling family, one of the few throughlines to the actual J.M. Barrie work. Young Michael (Peter DeSouza-Feighoney) is celebrating his birthday, brother John (Campbell Wallace) is pestering mom for money and sister Wendy (Megan Placito) is torn between attending college or spending more time with her boyfriend. Wendy realizes that in the midst of her self-centeredness, she’s forgotten all about Mike’s special day, so she attempts to make amends by taking him to school and then out for ice cream afterwards. When the school day comes to a close, however, the birthday boy slips away from his sister unnoticed on his new bicycle and pedals right into the requisite child-abducting van of one very disturbed and disfigured Peter Pan (Martin Portlock).
When Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey was first announced, the thought of seeing how filmmakers would turn the beloved honey smacker into a big, fuzzy, fucker-upper was novel enough to pique morbid curiosities, despite many of the recognizable features remaining shackled under copyright lock and key. PETER PAN’S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE, however, doesn’t even feel like a cheap, gory retelling of its source, let alone a full-fledged genre remake. Aside from character names, a moment of levitation and Peter’s lost shadow inciting a few uninspired kills, there’s no feeling that this film and Peter Pan lore have any connection at all. There’s no Neverland or an insinuation that it may be real or imaginary; odd, considering it’s the destination vacation that Pete keeps preaching. Pan, whose initial presentation is that of a Pennywise, Art the Clown and Heath Ledger-Joker amalgamation, rapidly devolves into just another killer in the woods. To say this is a garden variety slasher would be insulting to both gardens and slashers. Peter lacks the panache of first-string psychopaths and isn’t scary or intimidating enough to be taken seriously. The occasional appearance by a smack-addled trans Tinker Bell (Kit Green) injects the only real dose of pixie dust into the script and proves to be the most interesting personality in a rather unremarkable ensemble.
PETER PAN’S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE continues a trend within the Twisted Childhood Universe: no advance screeners to press, which translates to no advance word of mouth. And as was the case with Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey 2, aggregate review sites reflected exceptionally high scores, despite no claims of the films being made available to anyone before their widespread releases. The films were touted as limited engagements, omitted from any monthly theater subscription packages or discounts and charged a premium ticket price. This all but ensures that much like the previous Pooh films, PETER PAN’S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE will strike box office gold. It’s the business of filmmaking at its finest: shoot ‘em cheap, sell ‘em high. Rinse and repeat.
Conception and execution are two incredibly different things. Wanting to make a horror film about Peter Pan did not materialize into a horror film about Peter Pan. Instead, a poor attempt at the slasher trope is what landed at theaters for a limited three-day engagement, buffed by the built-in curiosity that comes with wanting to see the bastardization of timeless childhood tales. If the thought of missing any single entry leading to the already announced Poohniverse: Monsters Assemble is too much to bear, then be sure to buy a ticket before PETER PAN’S NEVERLAND NIGHTMARE floats out of theaters on January 15th. Chances are there’ll be plenty of seats still available.
