By MICHAEL GINGOLD

Starring Rupert Lazarus, Sidney Nicole Rogers and Andrea Tividar
Written and directed by Gino McKoy
Goldove Entertainment

Some science fiction thrillers are inspired by ALIEN; others take influences from BLADE RUNNER or THE ROAD WARRIOR. LUMINA is the first one I can think of that feels like it’s drawing inspiration from the 2010 turkey SKYLINE, at least in the early going. Both movies open with parties populated by vapid people who have very little of interest to say, rudely interrupted by abduction-minded aliens.

Typical of writer/director Gino McKoy’s haphazard approach, our protagonist at first appears to be Patricia (Sidney Nicole Rogers), but the key character comes to be Alex (Rupert Lazarus), who’s hosting the bash at his fancy house, though it’s never explained how he’s able to afford it. The guests include his new girlfriend Tatiana (Eleanor Williams), who says, “We’re not going to let anything come between us” (foreshadowing!) and Alex’s ex Delilah (Andrea Tividar). Before we can start to care about any of this bunch, there are weird power fluctuations and lights in the sky, and Tatiana disappears in a flash of fire.

An undisclosed amount of time later–but enough that Alex now sports a ridiculous-looking big fake beard–he’s still obsessed with uncovering the truth about what happened to Tatiana. He believes she has been stolen by extraterrestrials, and sets out to track her down, accompanied by Patricia, Delilah (who would seem to prefer Tatiana not be found, if you get my drift) and Alex’s pal George (Ken Lawson). This takes us to about the movie’s 40-minute mark, and everything that happens to this point could have easily been told in half that time. Instead, we have to sit through unnecessary small talk and people getting dressed and walking down halls, and throughout LUMINA, shots and scenes are consistently drawn out longer than they should be. It really feels like McKoy (who also produced with two family members) was his own editor, with no one on hand to tell him to pick up the pace–and I was frankly flabbergasted when the end credits revealed the editor was Thom Noble, who won an Oscar for WITNESS and was nominated for another for THELMA & LOUISE.

Anyway, the quartet hit the road and pay a visit to Thom, a former government operative and UFO conspiracy nutjob overplayed by Eric Roberts, the one familiar actor here and LUMINA’s marquee bait, albeit with less than 10 minutes of screen time. Realizing they’re being followed by some Men in Black, they decide to go “off the beaten path” but stop at a mall to go clothes shopping first. Then it’s off to Morocco (where the entire movie was filmed) for a visit to Tatiana’s parents, and then into the desert, where scenes of the group bopping to a lousy rock song on their RV’s radio and George showing Patricia pictures of his volunteer work do not exactly help build the desired tension. Eventually, they find themselves at a Deep Underground Military Base, or DUMB, a term that a movie like this really should avoid using.

The protracted finale finally showcases a few impressive sets, though here and elsewhere, the aliens resemble escapees from a video game–an early video game. Yet they’re no more artificial than the dialogue spoken by the leads, none of whom are terribly persuasive in any event. (The press notes reveal that McKoy lost his entire ensemble during preproduction and had to recast everyone in a week, which is very easy to believe.) None of the plotting makes any sense, and odd diversions, like an encounter with a weird couple who call themselves Sonny and Cher, succeed only in distending the running time to just under two barely endurable hours. And the very ending is downright insulting.

LUMINA is the kind of awkward flick that pops up every now and then: An ambitious indie by a do-it-all filmmaker (McKoy also worked on the visual effects and contributed numerous songs, among other things) that bucks the odds and gets a nationwide release, only to prove it has no business playing anywhere but late-night cable. Getting any movie made is an achievement, and just being able to mount a big-scope genre film outside the Hollywood system is certainly to be commended. But sometimes the result is Gareth Edwards’ MONSTERS, and sometimes we get…this.