By PAUL “NOMAD” NICHOLASI
Greetings to all Spooky Kids! Today is DAY 22 of our 24 Days of Halloween Toys Mystery Calendar! Each day from now ’til the high holiest of creepy days, you’ll be able to click on a vid below and reveal the TERRORS that hide beneath … on the lazy Susan … OF DOOOOM!!!
Disclaimer: RUE MORGUE is not responsible for anyone’s brain exploding from fright. Thank you for watching!
Little Known Facts About Draculas
1. Draculas own every Kohl’s department store. You can tell if you really look.
2. Draculas burn up in the sunlight but love Hawaiian shirts. It’s weird.
3. All Draculas have secret Smurf collections. If you ask them about Smurfs, they are physically compelled to show you.
4. Most Draculas are more like Louis Tully from Ghostbusters or the guy that thought he was a Matrix robot in Grandma’s Boy. They pay marketing people to make them look cool on TV and in movies. They tried to dress like their depiction in The Lost Boys once and accidentally invented parachute pants.
5. If you squish a Dracula between a graham cracker and a piece of chocolate, they explode.
6. Draculas are allergic to the words “incongruent” and “synergy.” Say one and they sneeze. Say both in a sentence naturally, and they explode.
7. If you get a Dracula to catch a piece of cheddar popcorn in their mouth – that’s right. They explode.
8. If you invite a Dracula in and want to revoke their invitation, you have to publicly break up with them on Facebook.
9. All Draculas have a Facebook. All of their featured pictures are from the anime Naruto.
10. If you put in fake vampire teeth and feed from a Dracula, you’ll sound like Gilbert Gottfried for 27 days.
Check back here every day until Halloween for more unspeakable playthings!
