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Elm Street alumni urge you to “Stop The Nightmare!”

Thursday, April 23, 2020 | News

BY: DAKOTA DAHL

Not enough people are social distancing. Full stop. I don’t know how we got to the point where our need to go to Panera Bread outweighed keeping at risk people alive, but here we are. In a waking goddamn nightmare as the double pandemic of COVID-19 and ignorant apathy sweeps the nation.

Speaking of nightmares, some Alumni from THE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET franchise are here to remind you to stay inside and wash your finger knives hands to help stop the virus in its tracks. They’re also selling merch, with the proceeds going towards those whose entire industry was affected by the quarantine.

We are also selling our latest issue, and it’s a doozy! The new Candyman is here! We encourage you to stay inside, so if that means you can’t buy our mag off the shelves, buy it off the website!

Dakota Dahl
Dakota Dahl has no idea what he is doing, but people seem fine with paying him to do it.