By YASMINA KETITA
As far as ’80s slashers go, I’d have to say HIDE AND GO SHRIEK (1988) doesn’t get talked about as often as the rest. So I’m here to remedy that, as I have always been fond of this movie because I rented it in high school. Hide and Go Shriek tells the story of 8 teenagers, 4 boys and 4 girls, who have just finished high school and are looking for a parentless party to celebrate. Luckily, one of the teenager’s dads owns a furniture store so they plan a campout after hours. They all tell their parents they’re staying at each other’s houses so they’re free for the whole night…to be murdered that is!
HIDE AND GO SHRIEK opens with a man shaving in the mirror, who then applies blush to his cheeks, mascara to his lashes, and rouge to his lips before tying his tie and placing a hat on his head as he heads out to ’80s hooker row, where both men and women are working the street. The man in a suit and makeup chooses a female hooker and fucks her in an alley. When it’s (very quickly) over, he stabs her to a very lazy death.
Cut to the teenagers. Oh man, a couple of mullet supporting jabronies lifting weights always makes me chuckle. Here we meet John, whose dad owns the furniture store, and David, who really wants to bone his girlfriend, Judy. Kim and Bonnie, who are the obvious sluts ’cause they wear hot pink lipstick and crop tops, are trying to convince Judy, who is a virgin, to fuck David. Randy, aka Max Headroom’s long lost twin, is Kim’s boyfriend and wears sunglasses and a bolo throughout most of the movie. He even goes so far as having the sunglasses be the last thing he takes off when he gets naked. But it’s also funny later, when he’s half naked and not wearing his sunglasses, he’s still got the bolo on! The remaining teenagers, Shawn and Malissa are the nerds that get stuck together. Ok, I think I got them all!
John shows up to the store before it closes to ensure that his dad leaves before his friends can sneak in undetected, and it’s here that we meet the creepy snake tattooed employee who also lives there. The deal is, he was in prison for armed robbery but was released early for good behaviour, so John’s dad, without ever telling his son, gave him a job as a dock loader and agreed to let him sleep in the basement where he’s got a full kitchen so he can cook a fuck ton of scallions.
Now that the adults (the ones John is aware of) are gone, the party can begin. By party I mean drink beer and play hide-and-seek. Of course as you know, the purpose of hide-and-seek is really to make out. Did you know department stores always keep bottles of champagne lying around? I sure didn’t! But I’ll tell ya what, if any dude that isn’t Corey Hart keeps his sunglasses on while making out in the dark, that’s a red flag for me.
The killer locks them in with a huge chain and is apparently the best hide-and-seek player of them all. Some party though; they’re already ready for bed and looking for places to sleep. The first kill is ok, but the second kill is awesome! Once the number of teenagers begins to dwindle, the killer decides to fuck with them by placing mannequins in odd places and poses. HIDE AND GO SHRIEK definitely has a Tourist Trap/Maniac vibe but with extra cheese. I love that one of the character’s name on IMDb is “wino” but he doesn’t drink wine, he drinks garbage milk.
Now I have to mention this detail because I’m a nerd and that’s what I do. When the old man across the street is setting up his magazine stand, you can see a Fangoria issue with one of my favourite behind-the-scenes pictures of Paul from The Lost Boys giving the metal horns in full makeup done by Ve Neill. I have the actual insert poster from this issue framed in my apartment!
There’s a point near the conclusion of HIDE AND GO SHRIEK when snake tattooed man runs into the remaining teenagers and is just as shocked to see them as they are to see him. They quickly assume he’s the killer and defend themselves, but we know the killer wears a hat and makeup! What follows is more running and sneaking around and more killing, such as a decapitation by elevator and someone getting stabbed with a mannequin arm. Plus, I just love Bonnie’s insults: “You’re stupid, jerk face!” and “Buzz off, buzzhead!”
If you haven’t watched HIDE AND GO SHRIEK, I highly recommend you do if you love ’80s slashers that contain under-boob, boobs, man-butt, butt grabbing, ribbed white socks and hair clips. Also, what’s that lame game called when you’re at a red light and get out of the car and run around it in circles? If you were alive in the ’80s, you know what I mean. Get back to me on that.