By DR. BENNY GRAVES
Starring Caroline Munro, Simon Scuddamore and Billy Hartman
Written and directed by George Dugdale, Mark Ezra and Peter Litten
Vestron Video
Marty Rantzen! Now that’s a guy who gets no respect! Well, now he’s taking his revenge Back to School! (Audience boos as I attempt a bulgy-eyed Dangerfield expression). Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we can talk about one of my favorite slashers. I was first exposed to SLAUGHTER HIGH via an image of Marty in his slasher getup. Clad in a letterman’s jacket, jester bonnet and old man mask, the sight was instantly burned into my brain. I had to find out more! However, this was a time before the streaming service devils ran roughshod over the crumbling terrain of our physical media, and finding a physical copy was nearly impossible. Thankfully, a tech-savvy friend of mine was able to procure a (fairly) clear DVD rip via the good old internet (back when the worst-case scenario was getting a virus on your home computer when you meant to get a NIN album). Dr. Graves! You wouldn’t download a house! (Please look up this actual ad about movie piracy, and also yes, I would… Have you seen the housing market?) In any case, I popped that bad boy into my DVD player and was treated to a slasher that rightfully stays firmly lodged in the back of my skull.
“I don’t enjoy your dirty tricks!” SLAUGHTER HIGH opens on an establishing shot of Marty’s high school as the film’s earworm of a theme song, written by writer and co-director Ezra Miller (Friday the 13th maestro Harry Manfredini composed the main score. Where’s my vinyl release!?!?), blares on the soundtrack. Marty Rantzen (Simon Scuddamore) is the school nerd, and his classmates will not let him forget it. We are treated to Marty thinking he will get lucky in the showers with classmate Carol (the always stunning Caroline Munro, who was pushing 40 at the time of SLAUGHTER HIGH’s release). Instead, he pulls open the shower curtain to discover Carol and her friends, who mock his naked body and prod him with a javelin. As if this scene wasn’t ghoulish enough, they film Marty’s humiliating predicament.
At this point, I’d say Marty has had enough, but his fellow “teens” (yes they all look like grown adults, and yes, that is part of the charm) don’t agree. They slip Marty a joint that he hopes is a mea culpa but is actually an explosive prank. Now, I don’t generally endorse smoking around corrosive chemicals, but Marty does just that, and the combustible doobie sparks a chemical fire, leaving him horribly burned. Cut to a decade later as the students who menaced Marty gather for their class reunion. It turns out they’re the only ones in attendance, and the party is a cover for Marty’s gruesome revenge.
SLAUGHTER HIGH could have been a fairly by-the-numbers slasher flick spawned from the ’80s genre boom, but its energy, equal parts bizarre and cruel, makes for a unique beast. Originally, the plan was to release the film as April Fool’s Day. However, the title was changed when the filmmakers found out it had already been taken by Paramount for another horror film. (In my opinion, SLAUGHTER HIGH is the superior movie.) Nevertheless, the script retains the crux of Marty’s first-of-April revenge. Furthermore, the cast is made up of Brits attempting American accents – to varying degrees of success.
Built atop this strange foundation, are all types of eccentric executions. The dilapidated high school where the reunion takes place seems to exist only to serve the purpose of whatever kills are required like some kind of 1980s slasher House of Leaves. Need a bathtub to fill with acid so it can melt someone down to a screaming skull? This school has you covered. Need a bed for electrifying an amorous couple? Not to worry. The abuse Marty is subjected to feels especially brutal, and his subsequent revenge reflects that brutality – in spades. Jason Voorhees may prefer a machete, but Marty is a jack of all trades, using everything from beer cans capable of imploding abdomens to hidden sewage pits. Even the javelin used in his original humiliation comes into play.
The last act (somewhat) explains the weirdness of the unfolding horror, and in the end, the demise of those who tortured Marty has the feel of a half-forgotten nightmare. Do yourself a favor. Pick up the Blu-ray from Vestron Video (the legendary home video company that originally released this epic on VHS), and experience the tale of Marty Rantzen’s revenge. Just don’t get too close to the screen… He may have one more trick up his sleeve.
Death to false horror,
Dr. Benny Graves
