By DR. BENNY GRAVES
Starring: Ethan Hall, Kelly Mullen, John Hayes and Carla Dickie
Written and directed by Hayden Hall
Sick Slice Studios
The pizza delivery guy is the red shirt of slasher movies. Hell, they often even wear a red shirt as a uniform (good way of minimizing sauce stain visibility). You see one of these guys on the big screen walking up the front steps to deliver an extra-large meat lover’s and you just know that pizza isn’t the only thing getting destroyed. Enter director Hayden Hall with PIZZA PARTY MASSACRE, a slasher that posits:
What if the pizza guy was the one doing the slicing!?
Petey Monahan is a pizza delivery dynamo. Unfortunately, he’s also the pariah of the staff at his father’s restaurant, Pizza World. Ridiculed and given the moniker “Pizza Face,” his only solace comes from engrossing himself in the animated TV series Monster Tombers (a pitch-perfect send up of toy-centric animated shows like Skeleton Warriors). A cruel prank by the rest of the staff goes horribly wrong and Petey is left burnt beyond recognition like a Detroit-style slice cooked on the surface of Mt. Vesuvius. Surviving the ordeal and filled with rage–a result of both the ridicule and medical malpractice–Petey sets off to find those who wronged him, cooking up a vengeance best served extra-large.
I’ll be the first to say that I am a total mark when it comes to every element of PIZZA PARTY MASSACRE–a SOV horror film teeming with gooey practical effects, brain-melting synths and extremely niche story elements. Personal bias aside, this movie is the little slasher that could. Hayden Hall filmed this beast piece by piece over the course of several years while managing hurdles like cast changes and location shooting challenges. As a result, the final film has some crispy edges that I feel any good SOV horror would be remiss without.
Hayden is no stranger to working in the trenches making niche horror magic, having gained notoriety for web series Luther’s Mid-Fright Snack. Imagine Pee-wee’s Playhouse filtered through the minds of Chainsaw and Dave from Summer School, and you get an idea of what kind of energy the web series provides. For PIZZA PARTY MASSACRE, Hall is in good company with a cast ready to ooze camp from every pore (eagle-eyed nerds will catch a godfather of SOV horror in a cameo) and an effects team well-versed in Karo syrup. I’d be a fool not to mention the soundtrack, recorded on old school synths and dripping with electronic fuzz. The evil tones come courtesy of composer Ben Mazz who, more importantly, sold me my copy of Ghoulies 2.
I had the privilege of seeing PIZZA PARTY MASSACRE premier on Friday the 13th at The Mahoning Drive-In Theater. The cast and crew were in attendance and there was a Q&A afterwards. As expected, people wanted to know when the film would be coming to home video. Hayden’s answer warmed my analog heart: “As of now, the plan is to take the movie on the road, showing it in theaters before making the jump to home video distribution.” The reasoning is one I stand behind: We are at a point where the timeline from theatrical release to streaming/physical media release is criminally short. There was a period where seeing a movie in theaters was the only way to experience it until several months later, making the theater experience special. Something has been lost in shortening that duration and I support the importance of the theater experience as a very different way of digesting film than at-home viewing. Keep your eyes vigilant, PIZZA PARTY MASSACRE may be coming to your town, and it is going to send out FOR YOU!
Death to false horror,
Dr. Benny Graves
