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Where Eagles Dare: Satan Is Good, Satan Is Our Pal!

BY DR. BENNY GRAVES

We walk the streets at night
We go where eagles dare
We pick up every movement
We pick up every loser
                               – “Where Eagles Dare” by The Misfits

Wikipedia calls Night Flight “An eclectic variety television show.” (I have also been described as “eclectic,” but that usually just means “unhinged.”) In any case, Night Flight endures nearly 40 years after leaving the airwaves, revived in the era of streaming as NIGHT FLIGHT PLUS. With its formidable roster of high-proof schlock like Raw Meat, Turkey Shoot and The Burning Moon, it was only a matter of time until I had to try a slice of that pie! (Vince Neil voice). So, adopting the lyrical stylings of ace New Jersey-born filmmaker Glenn Danzig, I bring you: WHERE EAGLES DARE! Each installment will feature a pair of thematically connected flicks available to stream on Night Flight Plus, as well as a “For Fiends Of” section highlighting similar fare that’s available on the streaming service. Without further ado, let’s get into some witchery! In this installment, I bring you hungry degenerates two hearty helpings of black magic. Belly up to the table for some Davil’s food.

MIND, BODY & SOUL (1992)

Look, I’m not going to muddy the waters and tell you that Mind, Body & Soul is good in the conventional sense. It drags at times, has line delivery that’d make Torgo blush and doesn’t let my boy Wings Hauser off the leash until the last act (He’s a falco; you have to let him fly!). The tone is deadly serious, giving it the feel of an extended Satanic panic-era sketch you’d see on a televised Christian youth program (with significantly more breasts). When Brenda’s (Ginger Lynn Allen) boyfriend turns out to be part of a Satanic cult, she’s plunged into a world of black magic, deception and badly constructed sets. Will she survive the wrath of Lucifer’s children or be bound to them for eternity…? Mind, body and soul?

MIND, BODY & SOUL posits a world where doors do not lock, women wear only lingerie under their clothing and the Devil lurks around every corner. Moving at a respectable jog, it has some serious afternoon movie vibes, and the undercurrent of an album recording by a forgotten thrash band whose logo would involve T’s stylized like inverted crosses. A scene involving the spirits of the underworld features a summoning that’s store-brand The Devil Rides Out in the best way, and the final act is a masterclass in scenery-chewing. In fact, quite a bit of this plays out like the community theater adaptation of a Hammer horror film. I would expect no less from the director of Hobgoblins!

WITCH STORY (1989)

At this point, it’s relatively common knowledge that American horror blockbusters of the 1980s led to numerous Italian copycats. Often, these movies had lower budgets, but their eccentricities gave them a charm of their own. WITCH STORY isn’t satisfied with merely borrowing from one movie. It instead unleashes an unholy Frankenstein’s monster of several supernatural horror tropes, in a fusion of bizarre choices that make for greasy late-night fun. Fifty years after the mob execution of the Satanic witch Helena (Deanna Lund of Elves!), a pair of siblings inherits her home. However, Helena’s diabolical power still dwells there, passed into the lurking ghost of her granddaughter. As the siblings and their group of pals explore the house, the dormant evil is unleashed with gruesome consequences.

A stew of Poltergeist 3, The Evil Dead and The Amityville Horror sequels, Alessandro Capone’s (Writer of Body Count) directorial debut is a bizarre delight. Before our group of youths enters the house, we already have a pro-incest endorsement and a “fat guy” character who makes Shelly from Friday the 13th Part III look like Patrick Swayze. From there, we get everything from hyper-violent dream stabbings, food-centric seduction and a chainsaw-wielding killer rising from a swimming pool. In the last act, the action shifts from the haunted house to a derelict apartment building. There, the weirdness gets tuned to a frequency that, like a dog whistle, can only be heard by those of us with an appetite for bootleg horror schlock. Much like Demon Wind, the warped logic of WITCH STORY is what makes it such a damn gem!

FOR FIENDS OF: Beyond The Door III, The Devonsville Terror, Demon Wind

‘Till the next terrors,
Dr. Benny Graves

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