By PAUL “NOMAD” NICHOLASI
Greetings to all Spooky Kids! Today is DAY 12 of our 24 Days of Halloween Toys Mystery Calendar! Each day from now ’til the high holiest of creepy days, you’ll be able to click on a vid below and reveal the TERRORS that hide beneath … on the lazy Susan … OF DOOOOM!!!
Disclaimer: RUE MORGUE is not responsible for anyone’s brain exploding from fright. Thank you for watching!
Everybody Loves Clancy Oppenheimer
Clancy Oppenheimer was a bit of a practical joker, but his kind heart allowed him a pass from whoever might be his target of the moment. Mostly, he excelled at “dad jokes,” eliciting equal parts groans and drink-spitting laughter at the bar where he could be found nightly. His favorite gag was to claim intense pain when even the tiniest of women hugged him, causing them to jump back with concern while the bar’s regulars guffawed. One night, he was introduced to the bartender’s 22 -year-old cousin who was an absolute wall of a man with arms as thick as tree trunks. The young man took an instant liking to the good-natured and highly entertaining Clancy. Six drinks in, after a particularly groan-worthy dad joke, the boy scooped up Clancy like a toddler and squeezed him until he saw stars. Clancy shouted out that the boy was breaking him in two, which only elicited more laughter from the room and a tighter squeeze. Then, there was a snap, a pop and a sound from deep within Clancy not unlike a balloon sputtering around the room, which was the last sound that ever escaped his lips. Of course, the sound was a laugh – until it wasn’t.
Check back here every day until Halloween for more unspeakable playthings!
