By YASMINA KETITA
Starring Angela Kennedy, Richard Morgan and Brett Climo
Written and directed by Colin Eggleston
Somerset Film Productions
What constitutes a Christmas horror movie? Does Santa Claus need to be present? Does it need to occur during the holidays? According to these requirements, last year’s column on Trancers is a valid entry. We have all heard the argumentative statement that Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Even though John McClane himself, Bruce Willis, claims it is not, many fans refuse to separate it from the season.
What about Christmas decorations? Okay, so I might be stretching it a bit by classifying this Ozploitation flick as a holiday horror film, but if Christmas is seen or mentioned at all, then I consider it part of the frightful festive genre. Never released in theatres, OUTBACK VAMPIRES, aka THE WICKED, premiered on TV in 1988. The last feature directed by the late Colin Eggleston (who died in 2002) and filmed in 1987, the same year he directed Cassandra, OUTBACK VAMPIRES is a comedy horror about three unlucky travellers who end up in a manor that displays Christmas decorations and is occupied by an eccentric family of vampires.
OUTBACK VAMPIRES begins with two brothers, Nick (Richard Morgan) and Bronco (Brett Climo), driving in the Outback. As they roll along, singing a jaunty tune, they see a woman walking alone on the road. Assuming she is helpless, they pull up beside her and offer her a ride. Lucy (Angela Kennedy), appropriately named in homage to the character Lucy Westenra from Bram Stoker’s Dracula, is on her way to the rodeo.
You guessed it. Something happens to their car, and in this case, it gets caught in a trap, forcing them to walk. As they look for help, the trio runs into an oddball group of men burying something in the ground. These weirdos direct them to a nearby pub, where the only patron is quite possibly the drunkest man in Australia. You’d think your first clue to impending doom would be seeing a necklace made of garlic around his neck, but alas, they follow further instructions to seek assistance from Sir Alfred at his mansion. It is at this point that we get to hear that delightful Australian accent when someone says “slaughterhouse.”
When they arrive at the mansion’s door, Lucy finds it quite peculiar that there’s a Christmas garland with Santa Claus on it. Upon entering, the manor contains your typical spooky tchotchkes, including skulls, taxidermy and mysterious vases, and also random Christmas tinsel. We are then introduced to the first quirky vampire, George (David Gibson), who has a high-pitched squeal-like laugh – and great dance moves. His mother, Agatha (Maggie Blinco), acts like a lunatic and is dressed for a 1930s New Year’s Eve party. We are told of a daughter named Samantha (Antonia Murphy) who is terminally ill, which adds an enigmatic nature to her identity. The lion of the pack is the alluring, pale-skinned Sir Alfred Terminus (John Doyle), whose first appearance is a striking blue-toned backlit shot.
Most vampires in movies excuse themselves from eating with humans to hide their true natures by simply stating they’re not 
hungry. The Terminus family tell their guests they’ve succumbed to a rare worm disease that has caused them to lose their intestines. It goes without saying, B-horror comedies have their fair share of bad dad jokes, but kudos to OUTBACK VAMPIRES for adding a grotesque sense of humour to their lexicon with the phrase “Alfred’s lost half his colon but my rectum’s the shortest now.” Another distinct aspect featured in ‘80s horror movies is the inclusion of a rock band. OUTBACK VAMPIRES jacks up the ‘80s glam with an appearance by the Australian ‘80s New Wave band Perfect Strangers performing the song “Just Begun.”( I must admit, it’s pretty fabulous that the singer does a backflip.) During this scene, Samantha dances in her black dress, and I can’t help but wonder if this was the inspiration for Angela’s dance in 1988’s Night of the Demons.
OUTBACK VAMPIRES is a decent attempt at a low-budget vampire flick, with goofy dialogue, eccentric characters and cool sets. The special effects include a garden of shuddering roses, electric coffins, a body that melts into a skeleton and a talking decapitated head. Don’t expect anything glorious, but it’s worth a watch this festive season if you’re looking for something wacky and unique. If anything, stick with it for the ending because it’s the best part. Sir Alfred’s ghoulish makeup and forced perspective to make him appear large is something else, but the way he floats into the air and explodes epitomises that schlocky charm I love about these films. I’m happy I own the Select Home Video American release of THE WICKED on VHS, but I still want the Guild Home Video UK release. I’m a tape hoarder, what can I say?
