C.H.U.D. has reported that Dario Argento is about to begin shooting his next film, which will be called Giallo and stars Vincent Gallo. That is so awesome and ridiculous at the same time, I suspect there is a god and he wears black gloves. I saw Mother of Tears at TIFF and thought that Dario Argento is a man who either doesn’t know what he’s doing behind the camera anymore or just doesn’t give a Deep Red Shit. I wondered what he could do to make a sillier horror film than one with giddy lesbian impalings, apocalyptic “witches” right out of a 20-year-old heavy metal video and — AND — a killer monkey. Well, now I know: make a giallo actually called “Giallo” and cast Vincent Gallo in it. Either this will be Argento’s silliest yet or — OR — perhaps he can redeem himself by hooking up with the man who once said, “I don’t trust or love anyone. Because people are so creepy. Creepy creepy creeps.” Maybe both? Either way, I wanna see it.
I should mention that there’s a bit of a Vinnie G fetish at the office in the way that if Chuck Norris is the toughest man to ever walk the earth, Vincent Gallo is the weirdest — from his strange films, hilarious pics, such as the one above, and his absolutely bat shit crazy website, where he sells everything from his old movie posters to himself (ladies can, apparently, hire him as a man-whore for $50 000). Yep, Vincent Gallo is sort of a yardstick for “crazy.” Seriously, there’s crazy and then there’s “Gallo-crazy”
According to the IMDb, Gallo was once engaged to Asia Argento, which would explain the Dario collaboration, however, I think this (f)unholy union actually came about with a confusing phone call, that went something like this:
Dario Argento’s Agent: “Dario, we should get another movie on the go. Quick, what’s your craziest idea?”
Dario: “Euh, I want make giallo.”
Agent: “Well, OK. Strawberry? Lime? Grape? How about cherry? Everyone likes cherry.”
Dario: “No,a, not lunch, I say, ‘gi-allo,’ I want GI-ALLO!”
Agent: “Dario, be reasonable, even if we could get J-Lo, she won’t go topless in a horror film! How about Asia instead?”
Dario: “NO! NO! You no understanding. I wanting to make GIALLO, and want call it ‘GIALLO!’ OK?”
Agent: “Alright, alright, I’ll call Vincent Gallo. Now what about a title?”
Dario: “AAAGH!”
Agent: “I like it! Anything else?”
Dario: “Sigh… er, maybe half-dozen monkeys with razor blade.’”
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And now, your moment of Gallo zen:
5 Comments
Yeeechhhh… Gallo looks like Joachim Phoenix dipped in motor oil and vinagrette. Saying he’s bat shit crazy is an insult to bat shit.
Yeah, Mother Of Tears was hands down ridiculous. Here’s hoping for this one to be….watchable.
i am a little Gallo obsessed myself.
a few weeks ago i was flipping through late night television when i caught a glimpse of VG wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs cardigan with a gun in hand… threatening Courtney Cox.
turns out he was guesting on an episode of her show Dirt as a bratty former child actor… making vague demands… holding an entire office hostage…
also saw him play a show with rriiccee in Toronto in december. his singing voice was totally unexpected. who would have thought he would have the voice of a 12 year old songbird?
There is a thin line between genius and insanity…and I think Vincent Gallo snorted it! The man makes David Lynch seem reasonable.
Holy crap! Easily the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. It’s much funnier when I hire an Italian stereotype to read the dialogue out loud, though. Vincent Gallo should be flayed by a razor wielding chimp.