Monstro Bizarro

Monstro Bizarro: ‘Bigfoot’ DVD Review

on November 9, 2012 | 1 Comment

SyFy finally sent us a copy of this movie on DVD, which is not timely enough to run in the mag because it’s been out so long already(!).  However, I didn’t want you to say ‘I didn’t warn you’ just in case you run across it while hunting for horrors in the DVD shops.

BIGFOOT

Starring Danny Bonaduce, Barry Williams and Sherilyn Fenn
Directed by Bruce Davison
Written by Brian Brinkman and Micho Rutare
The Asylum / SyFy

Knowing what to expect from SyFy made-for-TV monster movies, I attempt to evaluate them within that context. In other words, I understand they are quickly-made, computerized creature features aimed at casual viewers or those of us who love monsters enough to excuse a film’s shortcomings. But even so, there is a minimum level of entertainment value that must be met if I’m going to invest 90 minutes, whether that be sufficient thrills, laughs, a cool monster, or even a gratuitous cast of hot babes. Bigfoot meets none of these criteria, and in fact, manages to scrape the bottom of the monkey barrel even for Sasquatch cinema.

The silly storyline goes as such: Concert promoter Harley Anderson (Danny Bonaduce of Partridge Family fame) is organizing a retro ’80s music festival in Deadwood, South Dakota, which requires the town to clear-cut at least 100 trees to make way for the event. Most of the townsfolk are on board, with the exception of ex-’80s music star Simon Quint (Barry Williams of The Brady Bunch), now an environmental activist. When workers begin clearing the land, it also pisses off a twenty-foot-tall “Bigfoot” who starts crushing, squishing and decapitating everyone around. Quint and his cult-like group of teenage female followers must now face off with the greedy concert promoter and ultimately try to save Bigfoot as he scales Mount Rushmore in a final stand.

If the plot hasn’t scared you away, I will offer a few examples of why you shouldn’t bother with this hairy atrocity. Aside from the horrendous acting, nobody should have to endure Bonaduce and Williams constantly arguing about “who screwed whose” mother. (They are just too damn old for this!) The cameo by Alice Cooper is the best scene, but sadly only amounts to a few minutes. The CGI Bigfoot is laughably large, and despite his ruthless killing, comes off more like a rampaging stuffed ape. The ridiculous climax upon Mount Rushmore tops it off as Bigfoot battles helicopters, Bonaduce and bad CGI in a King Kong-sized FAIL. It’s enough to raise ol’ Kong from the grave… which, come to think of it, would probably make for a better movie!

- Lyle Blackburn

Tags: Bigfoot, creature feature, cryptid, Cryptozoology, lame, monster, movie, Sasquatch, syfy

One Response to Monstro Bizarro: ‘Bigfoot’ DVD Review

  1. David Goulet says:

    Zombie Kong! That sounds like a lot more fun. Headshot that!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>