Audio Drome, Sinister Seven

The Sinister Seven: A Band of Orcs Try to Eat My Brain

on November 29, 2010 | 5 Comments

You know, when I was first introduced to the Abattoir feature we like to call The Sinister Seven, it seemed like a great way to throw someone in the hot seat, with seven pointed questions that would hopefully make your subject sweat a little.

Well, when I recently had the chance to sit down with monster metal band A Band of Orcs, the tables were terrifyingly turned. Throughout the questioning, I was clearly the only one perspiring. The interviewees were drooling. I feared for my life but mostly, I feared for my brain. Had I known how hungry they were, not to mention how atrociously bad they smelled, I would never have agreed to meet with them. And in no way did I fathom I’d be risking my life, or at least a fate as some brain dead band groupie, for simply paying lip service to this foul collection of bodily fluid-soaked rock goblins.

I introduce you to the charms of Hulg (guitar), Gronk! (bass), Gogog (vocals) and Filthgrinder (lead guitar). Missing was Oog (drums) who was apparently getting a mani/pedi.

1. Most guys form bands to meet chicks but you apparently started A Band of Orcs out of an obsession with World of Warcraft (WoW), leading one to believe you don’t stand a chance of getting laid. What made you decide to don costumes for the band?

Hulg: What orc want with baby chicken? Chicken just dinner…braaaainzzzz taste better. Hulg taste your braiiiin….

Gronk!: Foolish, human, Gore-Stained Axe Tribe obsessed only with the Domination and awakening of Gzoroth, Dragon of Chaos.

All: Hail Gzoroth!

Gronk!: We have always been war tribe on the blasted Plains of Hirntodia. Always will be. Only Filth not start as member of tribe. Had to fight his way into tribe and gain leader Gogog’s like his warrior skills.

Gogog: All worlds in multiverse at war and no one does craft of brutal war better than orcs. Bow down to your new leaders, insignificant human.

Filthgrinder: Wenches worship me, me sexiest orc.

Gogog: So, he says, but I leader and you weak human wish you had the tusk and the musk to excite human women like brutal orcs do. Gonna be waitin’ for your tusks to drop for long time ahahahahhaha. The wenches tell us to bring our battle armour back to their tents all the time, ahahahahaha….

Gronk!: Battle armour and dire wolf pelts are the traditional garb of our kin.

Hulg: Or what Hulg steal off battle dead…what make you dress stupid like that, human? Nothing to protect your brain from Hulg eat.

Gogog: Yes, we wear our armor for all our lives cuz you never know when stupid stinking elves ambush and I, Gogog, need to bury axe in heads, ahahahhahahaha.

2. Did you actually all meet in Azeroth, the world in which WoW takes place?

Hulg: No.

3. Your costumes are some pretty horrific examples of top-notch craftsmanship. How’d you come up with the designs? It must be a challenge to play in those things.

Hulg: Why stupid humans keep ask about costumes. What’s ‘costumes?’ Hulg eat brain now, make you shut up!

Gogog: Down, Hulg! Dumb human brain not worth eating; nothing in it, ahahahaha.

Gronk!: All designs battle armor by Gzoroth, Dragon of Chaos.

All: Hail Gzoroth!

Filthgrinder: Me take what Filth want from dead foes and it look good and warrior-like.

Gogog: Yes, when we need new boots, we go to war and take boots from battle field. Like that. Orc fashion, ahahahahah.

4. WoW and the glory of battle seems to have influenced your songs a fair amount. What other horror business are you trolls influenced by?

Filthgrinder: How dare you call orcs trolls you worthless carcass of human scum! Trolls not sexy like me.

Gronk!: Many are the humans cry, “Wow!” when see A Band of Orcs slay live. We live for the Domination and the awakening of the Great Dragon, Gzoroth, Lord of Chaos and Fire!

All: Hail Gzoroth!

5. The band offers phone numbers online that fans can call to reach each of you and leave a message. Do you actually call people back, and why is it important for you to be so accessible to your minions? What’s the strangest message you’ve received?

Gronk!: Human, once more reveals frailty of brain in your skull, not even worth Hulg eats. Probably be hungry again 10 claws later. Know not you how apotheosis works? More praise orcs of Gore-Stained Axe receive, more god-like orcs become. Worthy to accompany Gzoroth into battle in final days and bring forth the Domination!

All: Hail, Gzoroth!

Gogog: I call back worthy sacrifices on magic phone wand and exhort them to frontlines of battle for the Domination.

Gronk!: It is well and meet for you humans to give your blood to Gzoroth.

All: Hail, Gzoroth!

Hulg:…and your brains to Hulg, tasty, tasty….

Gronk!: Some strange woman call me on sorcerous liveline and offer to benefit us with children, but she leave no numberical magical formula for us to call her back and eat her children.

6. You’ve only released an EP since forming in 2006. When the heck are the masses going to be subjected to a full-length effort by A Band of Orcs and what do you have in store?

Gogog: All efforts length of orc axes, spears and swords.

Gronk!: We try pillage bank guilds for gold to pay recording sorcerers. Know what? No gold found in your banks! Did humans know no gold in your banks?

Hulg: Stupid paper. Hulg predict chaos when dumb humans find out no gold in bank guilds.

All: Hail Gzoroth, Dragon of Chaos!

Filthgrinder: Expect lotsa shredding guitar solos.

Hulg: And crunchy guitars….

Gogog: We chant brutal tales of Gore-Stained Axe Tribe slaughtering the giant tribes.

Gronk!: We chant epic tales of might and high sorcery and the infernal majesty of Gzoroth.

All: Hail Gzoroth!

Gronk!: Some humans we keep alive for amusement, me tell that our tales bring memories of famous prophetic writings of human Gary Gygax in his “Against the Giants” visions.

Hulg: Grimp calls us “concept album.”

Gogog: Summer of 2011 seems good for new plunder for human ears to me. How bout you Gronk!?

Gronk!: Yes, summer is always good for killing….

7. In a to-the-death battle between you guys, GWAR and Lordi, who would win?

Hulg: If stupid human have to ask…

Gogog: Yes, I agree Hulg. You should just eat his brain and get it over with.

Oog: Oog smash now?

Gogog: Yes, Oog. Smash now and let Hulg have brains….

—-
As you can read, I barely got out of there with all of my stuffing but, in the end, I had the last laugh. While they were busy eating their publicist, who was younger (hence more tender, or so I convinced them) I snagged an autographed copy of their WarChiefs of the Apocalypse EP (available now) out of one of their grubby satchels. The first person to email me at Trevor@Rue-Morgue.com with the correct answer (plus your name and mailing address) to the following question gets it:

What is the name of the new World of Warcraft expansion just released last week?

** UPDATE ** And the winner is Kinnell Tackett of Minneapolis, Minnesota! Thanks for playing!

Tags: a band of orcs, azeroth, gwar, horror metal, horror music, Lordi, world of warcraft, WoW

Responses to The Sinister Seven: A Band of Orcs Try to Eat My Brain

  1. Andrew Soto says:

    This interviewer has no idea that these are real Orcs. Once again another interviewer that makes us humans look stupid.LOL

  2. Jake says:

    Nice interview. I can’t wait to hear these guys.

  3. Pingback: Interview With Rue-Morgue « A Band of Orcs

  4. joe says:

    These guys are great and they rock!!!! They sent me a DVD while I was in Afghanistan.

  5. Pingback: Rue Morgue Contest Winner: Kinnell « A Band of Orcs

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